Last night, I was attempting to study Chemistry and I came to the part about recycling metals. I wondered about the eventual extinction of Earth, and that led to thoughts about death.

I usually force myself to avoid thinking about death. And especially not when I'm alone in the room, past midnight, because the atmosphere adds on to the frightening thoughts that occur to me.

I am scared of death.

I can't imagine being enveloped by complete darkness forever. And it isn't just the darkness that is frightful -- more so how one lies there in the darkness, devoid of all emotions. Sure, by then you wouldn't be aware of your pathetic corpse succumbing to decomposition. Nor your ashes. Yet it is unimaginable how you simply lose everything you have. Every ounce, every iota of your assets, your relationships, your feelings, yourself. Gone, while you lay there in eternal slumber.

Have you ever been scalded?
Think of how you may be subject to being burnt to ashes. To simple particles of the very core of your being. It's pain that you will never feel, and never know you endured.

Have you ever felt lost?
Think of how you'll be stuck in nothingness from the point of your death onwards.

We say a lifetime is long.
How long, then, is eternity?

Death, is a scary thought.


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On a side note, I am going to fail Chemistry.

And today's Chemistry lesson sucked.

Lol, it is annoying how, when enraged, people return to their initial stereotypical views. I don't hate that we were put in the same situation as those who bore irresponsibility, because I know that I am, too. I hate that you generalise, when we do take up some form of responsibility.

I try, I really do.

But when you've been trapped in such an abyss long enough for it to merge with your character, it's difficult to pull yourself apart from it.

Perhaps that's something you will never understand; although it is not something I can blame you for.